The Cone of Shame

I have been on a three month long waiting list to get Rufio neutered. On December 1, 2010, the first available appointment wasn't until March 8, 2011. Lucky for Rufio. So, I saved the date for his impending doom, and patiently waited to take him into the vet.

This last Monday, I figured it would be best to call ahead to make sure we were set for his surgery, and to finalize any details that I may need to know. I pulled out my brightly colored, printed appointment slip signed by the clinic with all the information and dialed the number.

"Salt Lake Clinic, this is Sharon, how can I help you?"

"Hi, my name is Jenica Schulz and I was just calling to make sure my appointment for Rufio was all set for next week."

"What day were you scheduled to come in?"

"Tuesday, March 8. I made the appointment in December."

"And this is Jenica Schulz with Rufio? And you said next Tuesday the 8th?"

"Yep."

"Hmm....will you hold for just a minute?"

"Sure."
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"Jenica, I'm looking at your file, and you were scheduled to come in on January 5th, not March the 8th."

"Well, that's strange because I'm holding my receipt that says 'Your scheduled appointment is March 8th. Please be at the clinic between 7 and 8:30 to drop off your pet.'"

"And your paper says you're scheduled to come on the 8th?"

(I don't understand at this point how I could be any clearer)

"Yes."

"Hold please."
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"Jenica, would you be willing to come in tomorrow for surgery? Also bring the sheet that says your original schedule so we can see who made the error."

"Erm, ok that will work, see you then."

Seriously, if you make an appointment 3 months in advance, you still better call ahead cause they'll lose your reservation! Anyways, I dropped off poor Rufio before work yesterday and met with the doctor before I left. He gave me his pain meds and told me that he would try to "convince" me that he could NOT walk with the cone on his head, but that he was lying.

The doctor was right. As soon as you set Rufio on the ground, he becomes immobile and still. Completely petrified! He tried telling me his story yesterday when I picked him up, but as we all know, dogs don't speak English. He tried his best, but when he finished, this was the picture I took...

Things that are awkward

#1 First off, the word "awkward" is pretty awkward. I don't know about you, but I think it's spelled weird. The letters just don't look right.

#2 Recording your message for voice mail. You've heard the robot lady tell you exactly how to record your message like a zillion times, and you've left at least that many messages in your life. However, recording your own message is almost impossible to be satisfied with because your voice sounds unnatural when it is repeated back to you.

#3 The Double Door Dilemma. Have you ever been walking next to a guy when you are approaching an entryway and he politely opens the door for you? The problem you're faced with is another door because you are standing in a breezeway. You awkwardly open the second door and insist on the person walking before you, but the guy takes the door and waits on you. I don't know about everyone else, but I don't know how to solve this unanswered problem. Please help!

#4 First Dates. I don't care who you are or how awesome you think your life is, but you have never had a comfortable first date. Too many pleasantries are exchanged while you are educated with the person's pointless life achievements to which will bring you no knowledge on how awkward the person really is.

#5 You don't have a watch! Gladys asks for the time and you look at your wrist. To your dismay, there is no watch there and you end up looking like an idiot. If you still live in the '90s, you replay "time for you to get a watch!," or the ever so popular "it's tool time!"

#6 Attack of the watery eyes! It's 8:30am and you're still on the verge of falling back asleep. Unfortunately one of your co-workers assaults you with an early morning conversation in which they are deeply involved in. Your eyes make contact and lock. Crap. Now you're sitting there staring at them while your eyes start to water and it looks like you've just burst into tears. You can't just tell them "sorry my eyes just spontaneously decided to water," so you pretend like you've got something in there and proceed to dig out that imaginary piece of dust so you don't look like a retard.

#7 Farting in a public setting. You've done it because you're human. There is no need for an explanation. It's just awkward.

#8 The Shim. There are those poor unfortunate souls on this planet that do not have a distinct gender. It would be too rude to stare at them to try and figure it out, so you just guess with a 50/50 chance.