#2 Recording your message for voice mail. You've heard the robot lady tell you exactly how to record your message like a zillion times, and you've left at least that many messages in your life. However, recording your own message is almost impossible to be satisfied with because your voice sounds unnatural when it is repeated back to you.
#3 The Double Door Dilemma. Have you ever been walking next to a guy when you are approaching an entryway and he politely opens the door for you? The problem you're faced with is another door because you are standing in a breezeway. You awkwardly open the second door and insist on the person walking before you, but the guy takes the door and waits on you. I don't know about everyone else, but I don't know how to solve this unanswered problem. Please help!
#4 First Dates. I don't care who you are or how awesome you think your life is, but you have never had a comfortable first date. Too many pleasantries are exchanged while you are educated with the person's pointless life achievements to which will bring you no knowledge on how awkward the person really is.
#5 You don't have a watch! Gladys asks for the time and you look at your wrist. To your dismay, there is no watch there and you end up looking like an idiot. If you still live in the '90s, you replay "time for you to get a watch!," or the ever so popular "it's tool time!"
#6 Attack of the watery eyes! It's 8:30am and you're still on the verge of falling back asleep. Unfortunately one of your co-workers assaults you with an early morning conversation in which they are deeply involved in. Your eyes make contact and lock. Crap. Now you're sitting there staring at them while your eyes start to water and it looks like you've just burst into tears. You can't just tell them "sorry my eyes just spontaneously decided to water," so you pretend like you've got something in there and proceed to dig out that imaginary piece of dust so you don't look like a retard.
#7 Farting in a public setting. You've done it because you're human. There is no need for an explanation. It's just awkward.
#8 The Shim. There are those poor unfortunate souls on this planet that do not have a distinct gender. It would be too rude to stare at them to try and figure it out, so you just guess with a 50/50 chance.
2 comments:
First thing: I've already encountered a Shim today. Second thing: your blog post just inspired me to change my horrible greeting message that I've had for years! I did feel very awkward doing it.
All are awkward, however, Miles and my first date was not awkward. It's probably because we had gotten to know each other a little before we went on our first date, or maybe it's because we were just meant to be! And I'm with you on the double door situation.. I don't believe there is a solution, just one of those awkward situations that will forever be present.
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